Blurb request – The One Rule of Magic

In a few weeks time I’ll be self-publishing another entry in the TotenUniverse. The One Rule of Magic is the first book in what I call the Reflections strand of novels following the new life of Bamberg witch Frieda Schoenhofer.

Frieda was first encountered in Who Among Us… (still doing the rounds with literary agents) and I thought she deserved her own series. And thanks to Au4 in Canada for the inspiration to get started on this novel.

However, I’d like your comments on two variations of the blurb. I know which one I prefer, but any opinions would be welcome. I’ll be using one of these on back covers and author/book pages online.

Version 1 –

Frieda Schoenhofer is murdered in Rotterdam. Grief stricken by the news her father reacts by slowly demolishing the world around him and throwing out his lifelong collection of film memorabilia. Her mother hangs on to the words of an inept police detective and starts to believe a new born foal is the reincarnation of Frieda.

But Frieda isn’t dead. Her attempts to understand her new life and make amends for the mistakes she made in the past lead her on a journey of redemption and the search for her father’s film collection.

In Nice she meets a crooked dealer in antique silverware. She falls in love with a beautiful marionette in Prague. In Turin she finds herself at a funeral attended by mourners who can’t stop laughing. And in Vienna discovers a plan to prove Mozart didn’t exist.

The One Rule of Magic explores the elements that make us human and how we are irreversibly defined by our actions, upbringing and the associations we attach to the objects around us.

Version 2 –

Frieda Schoenhofer is dead, murdered in Rotterdam. But for her grief stricken parents the true story of their daughter’s life is about to begin.

Her father, slowly demolishing the world around him, tries to eradicate painful memories by throwing out his lifelong collection of film memorabilia; her mother becomes convinced a new born foal is the reincarnation of Frieda.

But Frieda isn’t dead. The One Rule of Magic is a curious tale of one woman’s journey of redemption as she attempts to make amends for her old life, come to terms with what she has become, and in rescuing her father’s discarded collection prepare her parents for the bizarre truth surrounding their daughter’s disappearance.

Observations/comments/opinions below. All are welcome.

8 the one rule of magic v1

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16 thoughts on “Blurb request – The One Rule of Magic

  1. The second version does it for me. It’s tighter and more focused. I don’t have to peruse several sentences to get to the heart of the story. I also like it because there’s a brevity that makes it feel urgent. All in all, IMO, it’s a better version.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I agree with Audrey. I prefer version 2, but paragraph 3 of version 1 is what would entice me into reading the book. Just to note too, though, does it still need proofing? I had to read the first paragraph of version 1 twice before I understood it – perhaps a few more commas wouldn’t go amiss in both versions, and grief-stricken should be hyphenated.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Version two with the four episodes looks like a clear winner.

      Yes, my intention was to tidy things up once I had some opinions on the two arrangements. Grief-stricken, however, was not a deliberate mistake, so thanks for bringing that to my attention.

      If it’s a best seller I’ll buy you all a cream cake out of the profits.

      Liked by 1 person

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