On the road.

I’m going to sound like an egomaniac by explaining another bout of absence, not just here but in other places on the web. I always think it sounds a bit weird when an unknown blogger apologises for not blogging, as if the internet has been holding its breath, but I can see where these people … More On the road.

There Will Be Blood

What’s in a name? Where do characters come from? Sometimes, the questions authors are asked are difficult to answer: ‘where did you get the idea from?’ is the perennial lump hammer of a question; virtually unanswerable. But occasionally a question can be answered, and today I’ll tell you how I created Belarussian rock band There … More There Will Be Blood

Agnetha Fältskog

Never rename a boat. I recently saw one for sale and it was named the John Thomas. Now, I don’t know where you live, but in Britain John Thomas is an alternative name for a gentleman’s wedding tackle. No one in their right mind would own a boat and keep the name John Thomas. In … More Agnetha Fältskog

The TotenUniverse

No one knows the true barycentre of the TotenUniverse. The band are only part of a wider growing European conspiracy. You can now explore further details of this conspiracy and Alien Noise Corporation’s future plans and releases. Click the image to see the TotenUniverse in detail. As universes go the image is quite large, and … More The TotenUniverse

Plate Spinning

Men cannot multitask. Or so we’re told, but I have a simple method that allows me to multitask: I do one thing at a time. I call this serial multitasking, as opposed to parallel multitasking, which is what women do. (Allegedly.) But even I am starting to come unstuck. Serial multitasking has one fundamental flaw: … More Plate Spinning

There Will Be Blood – Extracts: Bad News for Rob Wallet

A 1st draft abridged extract from the third Toten Herzen novel There Will Be Blood v.2 (The novel will be published at the end of Toten Herzen’s Malandanti world tour, some time in 2016.) The band take a fateful decision… For as long as Wallet had been with the band, he thought he had an … More There Will Be Blood – Extracts: Bad News for Rob Wallet

Toten Herzen Malandanti Extract – Rose Pursey

It’s summer, the female solo artists are coming into bud and causing the usual huffing and puffing as they struggle to maintain their relevence. I thought it an appropriate time to unleash an extract from Toten Herzen Malandanti featuring their litigious US nemesis Rose Pursey. In Malandanti, Pursey is suing Dee Vancent for libel and … More Toten Herzen Malandanti Extract – Rose Pursey

Raven Rants – guide to the British general election

With only days to go Toten Herzen’s number one fangirl Raven (real name [REDACTED]) gives you a guide to the British general election. I hate my life. And a lot of it is because of politicians meddling and scheming and turning everything upside down. But give them credit, every five years they let us decide … More Raven Rants – guide to the British general election

The Book Of Revelation

The final book of the Totenseries and all answers provided to explain Rob Wallet’s Toten phenomenon. Finally, the answers to the mystery, for many the greatest hoax of the 21st century, revealed. Rob Wallet’s identity; Susan Bekker’s Big Lie; what really happened to Peter Miles; the fate of Raven; the significance of Elaine Daley’s tattoo … More The Book Of Revelation

Behind The Wall

Events take a dark twist in the fourth book of the Totenseries. Builders break through the wall of a basement in a London house and discover the remains of four people: three women and a man. The link to Toten Herzen emerges when the house turns out to have belonged to the owner of the … More Behind The Wall

MetalMonth – Toten Herzen, fact or fiction? Pt. 2

In 1977 four members of the rock band Toten Herzen were murdered in London by Lenny Harper. Harper was only charged with wasting police time and the bodies disappeared. The killing of Toten Herzen is now one of the forgotten events of the decade, which is why in 2012 UK music journalist Rob Wallet decided … More MetalMonth – Toten Herzen, fact or fiction? Pt. 2