I hate formatting

All self-published authors will know that a finished manuscript can’t be published until it’s been formatted. Simple, says the layperson, it’s the 21st Century. What could possibly go wrong? Advertisements

What’s In A Name?

Storm Brian battered Britain this weekend. I didn’t think Brian’s were capable of such fury, but it proves the Met Office are trying to con us into thinking that deadly storms are our benevolent friends.

Where to begin?

What do you do when you’re flush with money from the sale of four ebooks (total royalties earned £5.12) and you’ve just finished the sixth novel of the TotenUniverse? You write a blog post.

Am I The Only One Who Thinks The Zombie Joke Is Funny?

One thing I don’t like is reading jokes. Gags on paper are never funny for me. Comedy literature is different, but reading ‘this fella went into a bar…’ never raises a smile. But I’m going to ignore my own rule with this post because there’s no other way of telling you the zombie joke. And … More Am I The Only One Who Thinks The Zombie Joke Is Funny?

Who On Earth Thought Insects Were a Good Idea?

They nip, bite, sting, burrow into the flesh, occupy our intestines and eat eyeballs. They spread diseases and those that don’t spread diseases carry the bacteria and viruses that do spread diseases. In short, they are an unecessary evolutionary sick joke. They weren’t created by a Creator, they were created by the Creator’s morbid teenage … More Who On Earth Thought Insects Were a Good Idea?

Airfix

Airfix isn’t the only company that makes construction kits, but like Hoover and Biro, the name means the same thing. Before robots took over the world Airfix kits were the go-to hobby for millions of kids. You could build anything with an Airfix kit (although a lot of the stuff I’ll describe in this post … More Airfix

Subjects to Avoid

When writing a blog you need a constant source of ideas and subjects to discuss, and at the moment I’m bone dry when it comes to things to cover. But the irony is I have a list of things I don’t want to write about. The reasons range from being beheaded to being insulted and … More Subjects to Avoid

Kindlecrites

There was a time when I was a Kindlecrite (Kindle Hypocrite). Criticising Amazon’s e-book reading system whilst selling my books on the platform. In the end, moral pressure became too much and I pulled my books off Amazon. If I relied on the income I’d be a dead man by now. Tail between the legs … More Kindlecrites

Do You Dream?

And by that I mean night time dreams, not ambitions. Dreams are one of the most disturbing and fascinating aspects of consciousness and awareness, and I might go so far as to say they are a form of alternative existence. What do I mean by that? Let me tell you a story. When I was … More Do You Dream?

Nothing

The keen eyed among you may have noticed a certain erratic quality to this blog. It ebbs and flows like a confused tide, sometimes engulfing the land with a quick succession of articles; sometimes it goes all Southport and retreats to the sea, leaving people wondering if they’ll ever see anything again. I’m writing this … More Nothing

Query letter sample

I don’t normally do this, get all self-indulgent with post after post about my work, but I had an idea today which I really need to pass by someone. I’m sitting in a cafe wracking my brains to come up with a query letter to literary agents and can’t get beyond the boring standard method … More Query letter sample

What Scares You?

When I say scared I’m not talking about existential worries about global warming or being made redundant, valid as they are. No, I mean physical sensory fear when faced with the uncanny. Some people are not afraid of ghosts, but I once knew a person who couldn’t sleep at night because he was convinced his … More What Scares You?

My Very First Job

Do you remember your first proper job? Not the weekend stint in the cake shop, the first post-school full time gig? I remember mine. If you worked for Sherwood Flexibles in Salford between 1983 and 1986 you’d remember it too. (* For legal reasons I’ve changed the names of individuals!) My school exam results were … More My Very First Job

WordPress Stats

Sorry if you’ve clicked on this post expecting some advice. It’s really about the apparent uselessness of WordPress statistics other than acting as a flannel to massage our egos. Every day I look at my stats, not the bar chart that shows how many people have clicked the wrong link and ended up at my … More WordPress Stats

Plate Spinning

Men cannot multitask. Or so we’re told, but I have a simple method that allows me to multitask: I do one thing at a time. I call this serial multitasking, as opposed to parallel multitasking, which is what women do. (Allegedly.) But even I am starting to come unstuck. Serial multitasking has one fundamental flaw: … More Plate Spinning

Dragon Award

I’ve been nominated for the Dragon’s Loyalty Award, which is handed out to generally good eggs and top folk who leave comments (not spam) on other people’s blogs. I was nominated by the angelic Princess Kick-ass who, to my knowledge has never held a six foot long machete and burst into a room calling people … More Dragon Award