In Lancashire there is a popular garden centre and they regularly have job vacancies on the website. Let’s, for legal purposes, call them Horton Close Garden Centre.
On their website they describe what makes a good employee, what they call a ‘Horton Closer.’ But based on the details found on their website I think their job vacancy posts should be reworded as follows:
What makes a good Horton Closer?
You will provide a welcoming front to our visitors and customers. Nothing is too much to meet their requirements, you will go that extra mile to help them out. A Horton Closer will be enthusiastic and always turn up for work ready for any challenge. You’ll bring your enthusiasm with you every day, and no day will be a bad day, only one filled with opportunities. You’ll be constantly thinking of ways to improve business and constantly contributing to making our customer experience the best it can be.
Nothing is too much for a Horton Closer, no distance too great, no barrier too high. You will always aim to exceed everything that is expected of you.
In return, we will pay you the bare minimum we can legally get away. £6.70 / hour for your welcome, your enthusiasm and for always going that extra mile.
Do as much for us as you can and we’ll do as little for you as we’re allowed. After five years staff will be eligible for a subsidised operation to have a smile grafted permanently to the front of your face so that you look like the Joker.
Apply in the first instance to….