When writing a blog you need a constant source of ideas and subjects to discuss, and at the moment I’m bone dry when it comes to things to cover. But the irony is I have a list of things I don’t want to write about.

The reasons range from being beheaded to being insulted and I’m not too keen on either of those situations. Call me a coward, but I’m allergic to the following blog subjects.

International terrorism and war

It’s a depressing subject, a fact of life, yes, but the mainstream media do a good enough job bringing us all the sordid details. But what worries me in particular is my ability to say what I think about these people and that can lead to all sorts of unpredictable outcomes. I have no ambition to be shot dead on a pavement in front of someone filming it on a smartphone. And I like my head where it is; on top of my neck, not balanced between my shoulder blades.

avoid 2

Avoid the horrors of war.

Feminism

I’m all in favour of equality. Discrimination repulses me with its lazy lack of imagination and inability to engage in debate. But one slip of the tongue (and I’m getting close just using that expression) and the red flags are raised on Twitter and before you know it you’re the whipping boy for every geek-boy platoon – who think you’re a faggot for defending women’s rights – and riot grrl hit-squad – who think you’re a rapist for admiring a woman’s haircut. Unless you’re a verbal tight-rope walker or a deranged masochist (re Katie Hopkins, Richard Littlejohn, Jeremy Clarkson) you’ll never get away with saying anything.

Political correction

Of equal danger to the above, except the lynch mob in this case is every hipster with a borrowed agenda and beady-eyed peer group keen to out those who aren’t quick enough to express their temporary outrage on social media. I’m not politically correct or incorrect; I am a fan of irony, but irony doesn’t travel, especially through the kind of thick bone found in a lot of gentrified skulls within the M25.

Technology and Gadgets

I could write about the latest iPhone, the latest smartwatch, the latest AI gizmo, folding television and non-hovering hoverboard. But I’d rather write about cricket and I hate cricket. Anyone who can get excited about a robot that still can’t serve a cup of tea without spilling half of it is not worth talking to. If you’re the kind of person who queues up outside an Apple store at midnight to buy a telephone . . . !

avoid 1

Avoid the horrors of technology.

Travel

I never go anywhere.

Sport

I support Valencia football club, so I can’t write about sport.

Politics

All corruption, that’s all there is to say on the subject.

The Environment

The planet is dying, so that’s pretty much that.

Celebrities

I’ve written about all the people worth writing about, including me.

Fashion and make-up tips

Pewdiepie always has this covered on Youtube. (I think, it might be someone else.)

Film and television

I’m just cynical about everything these days, although Dan Cruikshank’s programme about Warsaw was interesting.

In spite of all the above exceptions there are still millions of things to write about, so why can’t I think of anything? Perhaps I’m ill. I’m not getting any younger and I’ve eaten a lot of processed red meat in my lifetime. (Remember Selwyn Gummer feeding his daughter a hamburger? They were supposed to be the death of us.)

But I don’t think I’m suffering from variant CJD. I think it might be the moon or some other shift in cosmic alignments. 2014-2015 was the Era of the Blog and now I’m drifting into the Era of Something Else. I’ve felt a distinct urge to start making music again, so maybe it’s time to check out the Hoozik website, see if it’s still going, see if the site owner is still trying to get everyone to move from free membership to his premium rate service.

And lo, before I realise it I’ve written another blog post about nothing at all. By the way, did I ever tell you I was related to European royalty?

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20 thoughts on “Subjects to Avoid

  1. Two things. First: that picture you’ve used of the death of Nelson. I remember seeing that at junior school (not on your blog, obviously) and the image has stayed clear in my mind ever since. Along with Turner’s Fighting Temeraire it’s one of my favourite maritime pictures. So thank you.
    Second: it’s important, I think, to steer clear of topical news issues because millions of other people are commenting on them already. Plus, no one wants to hear your views on the EU referendum unless you’re the Queen or somebody slightly more important.
    I’ve found that quirky subjects – black puddings, Belfast sinks, verrucas – should be on a list of things definitely NOT to be avoided, because if you chuck them into an otherwise lifeless post they always spark a great deal of reaction and generate ideas for the future. It’s a bit like Lynton Crosby and his dead cat. You should start a dead cat list.
    Cheers, Alen

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s always gratifying to know I’ve brought a little joy to someone’s life. Have you seen the film Mr Turner? There’s a fantastic scene in which Turner is out on the water and he witnesses the Temeraire being brought home to be scrapped. It’s a ghostly unusual scene filmed in a way that captures the painting Turner goes on to create.

      I’ve often been tempted to write in response to the latest headlines, but I’m not sure what the benefits would be. Ongoing discussion – there’s one coming up in a few weeks time about adblockers – have more longevity. Quirky subjects are wonderful. (I didn’t know Belfast had been sinking) I’m still waiting for you to bring us the first image of a Spanish discarded railway carriage.

      Liked by 1 person

      • No railway carriages yet, amigo. And yes, I’ve seen Mr Turner. Absolutely brilliant film in every respect. That scene brought a lump to my throat. Pity he didn’t paint a picture of Belfast sinking.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Charlemagne and an 11th century princess in Denmark on my mother’s side.

      For the record, everyone currently living in Europe is a descendent of Charlemagne, and the princess is the first known record of someone with my mum’s maiden name. But it always sounds impressive at the end of a blog post!

      Like

  2. I saw my view count, likes and comments dip considerably when I slagged off the EU referendum and then Donald Trump. Then my short story post is by far the busiest to date. Regardless my next post is going to be about the new drug laws coming in. I don’t really care about upsetting people, though; providing that it’s the right people for the right reasons. Hence The Rebel’s Sketchbook.

    The only thing that I personally get annoyed at on these blog pieces is when people covertly support ideas such as censorship, political correctness, controlling other people’s behaviour etc. After that I’m fine with what people have to say.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I suppose there are some people I’m happy to upset: those who object to bad language in fiction, for example. Fuck ’em. But anyone prepared to cut my head off is best avoided and I’ve read articles about people whose lives have been ruined by Twitter storms. Life’s bad enough as it is without it sinking even lower.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Sad but very true. Being into the tail end of life and thus allowed to be mischievous, I am mulling over the idea of setting up a blog in which I explain why I am a Christian, also from a UK perspective a left-wing socialist espousing state-ownership, that males who make sexist comments about women aren’t proper men, why UK should stay in the EU and why I never rated Dr Strangelove as a good film or Margaret Thatcher as a good Prime Minister…..it’s the trying to fit them all together into one neat package is the challenge, but man, the resulting squeaks and spluttering would be so cool

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ll back you up on everything except Dr. Strangelove because I haven’t seen it all the way through. If you see any anonymous comments behind hidden IP addresses agreeing on Thatcher’s destructive legacy it might be me…

      Like

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