Men cannot multitask. Or so we’re told, but I have a simple method that allows me to multitask: I do one thing at a time. I call this serial multitasking, as opposed to parallel multitasking, which is what women do. (Allegedly.)

But even I am starting to come unstuck. Serial multitasking has one fundamental flaw: it takes ages to get anything done. It also relies on maintaining enthusiasm so that by the time you get around to doing task number B12-il09887 you still want to do it. (I still have the task of compiling a soundtrack onto CD from nine years ago. Just can’t find the enthusiasm to get on with it.)

Earlier this year, with Who Among Us… finished, I was ready to start the third Toten Herzen novel, but thanks to those ever so helpful Au4 brothers in Canada I was washed away by their album And Down Goes the Sky and carried into an unexpected writing project that I’m about half way through.

I have a half finished TotenUniverse infogram; this blog is still a work in progress with vast areas of ‘under construction’ notices and similarly embarrassing pages of nothingness; the official Toten Herzen website needs updating (they’ll kill me if I don’t get on with it); the constant demand for blog articles is like feeding a hungry horse; my query letter to literary agents still has tumbleweed stuck to it where the personal bio bit should be: my CV is rooted in the last century; one half of my car needs cleaning after rain disrupted the polishing last Sunday.

You see where this is heading? Can you hear the wobbly plates smashing as they drop off the tops of the poles?

There’s music to record, tee-shirts to be printed, merchandise designed and flogged, hand-bound books to be hand-bound, almanacs to be compiled, motorway bridges to be festooned with curious and intriguing banners, QR codes to be stuck on lamp posts, unsuspecting celebrities to be bombarded with free paperbacks.

I need six arms and three heads. I need an office (some ridiculous concept called rent is getting in the way of that). I need thirty-six hours in the day and the ability to go without sleep for a fortnight. I don’t need to be distracted by Shockwave Flash issues, Windows Defender demands, Firefox playing up. Dodgy wheel bearings and Renault Clio replacement front grilles that don’t fit!

I am grinding to a halt under the weight of activity. Any minute now I’ll simply stop f…..

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